I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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