if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
