everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
