The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
