I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
