If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
