If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
