He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
