Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize