this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
