he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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