the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
