Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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