how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
