halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
