dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
