im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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