Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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