her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
