You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
3 2 1 whiskey
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize