I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
