I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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