You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
