how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You left your phone here
Wait...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
