Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She bit a glass in half.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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