we made out on top of his cat.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
