The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
