I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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