I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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