i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
