My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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