; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
