You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
