I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
