she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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