Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
