Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
