I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
