what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize