Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We have so much sex to catch up on
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
