ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
