Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
