i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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