you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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