Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
