last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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