Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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