3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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