Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
