i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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