Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
