i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
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Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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