I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
