Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
