She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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