I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize