I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
