U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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