just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
