hotel room ftw
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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