I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
