Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
