I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
