sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
