I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
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I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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