I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
