So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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