am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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