You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
