When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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