If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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