i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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