This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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