So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
