so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
