trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
